


Of Stolen T-Shirts and Missing Halves

by panpipe



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-31
Updated: 2009-05-31
Packaged: 2017-10-13 04:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/132710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panpipe/pseuds/panpipe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a trillion million miles for Donghae to realize what he likes best about Super Junior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Stolen T-Shirts and Missing Halves

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://panpipe.livejournal.com/104416.html#cutid1). This fic is a remix of [A Trillion Miles](http://parthenope-sing.livejournal.com/3646.html#cutid1) for the [2009 June Kpop Remix](http://filterpaper.livejournal.com/17608.html).

Donghae has finally begun his packing, and figures that since he is about to be stuck in China for months and months, he ought to spend his last moments with some of the ones who will stay behind. Well, okay, he'd have demanded Hyukjae be there even if Hyukjae were going to China too, because best friends are just supposed to do these kinds of things together.

 It doesn't matter that Hyukjae isn't really helping, because what really matters is that he's there to help decide when the big questions come up, such as: Should Donghae bring the slingshot, or the super soaker? The slingshot, Hyukjae tells him, an incredulous look on his face, as if he can't believe he's making this decision--Pfft, Donghae thinks, Hyukjae should be _used_ to this; after all, they've been friends for _how_ many years now? Yeah, that's what Donghae _thought_ \--and tells Donghae to bring the slingshot because it takes up less room in his suitcase.

Donghae grins and says he always knew he kept Hyukjae around for a reason. He continues to pack, with endless chatter from Sungmin and Shindong and occasional comments from Hyukjae, until--well--

Donghae isn't even sure how the thing ends up in his hands, but before he can even register it, he's stuffing Hyukjae's shirt into his suitcase.

"No, no," Sungmin starts, making a grab for the shirt, "not the blue one, this one--"

And that's when Donghae finally realizes what he's holding.

Sungmin notices it at the same moment, and says, "Hey, isn't that...?" He trails off, and grabs the shirt from Donghae's hands, holding it up and examining it.

Hyukjae looks up, eyes narrowing at the shirt in Sungmin's hands, and asks slowly, "Is that my shirt?"

Donghae panics.

"No?" he says, too quickly. Then he realizes it's a little silly to try and cover it up now, because it's pretty obviously Hyukjae's shirt, and if _anyone_ is going to know it's one of Hyukjae's shirts, it would be Hyukjae himself. "Yes?" he says, a little unsure, but nonetheless trying to be nonchalant about it. He wracks his brain for a plausible explanation. "I thought I could bring this to, you know, let the fans know the Eunhae love is still there even if we're separated by, like, a trillion miles."

He decides the only way to make this less awkward for him is to make it humongously awkward for Hyukjae instead. He settles for kissy faces and obnoxious kissing smacking noises until finally Hyukjae flushes brighter than all the red shirts in Donghae's suitcase combined. Donghae laughs, and though he's still kind of unnerved by the whole thing, he's slightly more at ease now that Hyukjae is just as embarrassed as he is.

"You know, you guys are really gross sometimes," Shindong says incredulously.

Donghae sticks out his tongue in retaliation, snatching the offending article of clothing while sneaking a glance at Hyukjae--who has just muttered "Whatever" without looking up from his magazine, which means _he isn't watching Donghae right at that moment_ , score--and proceeds to stuff it into his suitcase.

After the scene the shirt just caused, Donghae thinks he's earned it.

He just wishes he knew why he wants the shirt so badly.

 

There are still a few awkward days left before the flight, where no one is sure how to act. Super Junior-M have been rehearsing alone for so long that there's a certain companionship the others can't quite break into, that disturbs the equilibrium of the group.

Donghae feels like it's been forever since he talked to Hyukjae, even though he knows that the two just had a lengthy discussion on the merits of alien abduction earlier that morning.

Things are just, they're just--

Donghae searches for the right words. It's just _odd_ and Donghae doesn't like it at all.

 

When they leave, it's tearful and sad and pitiful and miserable and awful and a million other terrible adjectives. Hyukjae tells Donghae to call, and Eeteuk continues to shout advice as the car doors close and they drive away.

Well, actually, Eeteuk calls them once they're out of sight, too. "I just remembered, look, Hankyung, you have to make sure that Donghae doesn't--"

"I CAN HEAR YOU," Donghae screams. "I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, YOU KNOW."

Hankyung laughs. "Donghae, I think you've disproved that statement a million times over."

Donghae pouts, and when he automatically turns to Hyukjae for support, he realizes with a sinking feeling that Hyukjae's not there--won't be there.

He tries to find the words for what he's feeling, but only one sticks in his mind:

Alone.

 

It's been four days, and Donghae knows he should have called Hyukjae by now. He's had time--more than enough time--but then he thinks about Hyukjae's T-shirt, and thinks about how nice Hyukjae had smelled when he hugged him goodbye, and thinks about the way he's taken to imagining what Hyukjae would say about everything if he were here.

Donghae's not entirely sure he's sane enough to call Hyukjae.

He calls Heechul instead.

"I take out Hyukjae's shirt and smell it sometimes" are the first words out of Donghae's mouth when the phone connects, and they fall out in a rush, almost running together.

"I-- You _what_? That's just fucking creepy," Heechul replies.

"What do I _do_?" Donghae asks, pleadingly. "I won't be able to talk to him ever again if things go on like this."

Heechul sighs. "Okay, what you do is you think of Hyukjae," he begins, then pauses for dramatic effect.

Donghae nods, avidly awaiting his advice, not even thinking about the fact that Heechul can't see his motions.

"Next, you unzip your pants and you--"

Donghae shrieks--loud enough that moments later the manager comes barreling into his room--and slams down the phone.

Now he's _never_ going to be able to face Hyukjae again, much less _talk_ to him.

Especially when the thought of doing what Heechul just said sounds more appealing by the minute.

 

Six days, and Donghae figures he had better call Hyukjae. After all, Hyukjae would have called him by now, Donghae thinks guiltily.

But really, it isn't Donghae's fault that he's having really dirty thoughts about Hyukjae. Heechul is the one Hyukjae ought to be mad at, not Donghae.

"Hi Hyukjae!" Donghae says quickly, with as much cheer and brightness and happiness as he can muster. He thinks that maybe if he overcompensates, Hyukjae won't suspect that Donghae's been terrified of calling him.

Plus, he has to talk a little too loudly anyway because Henry and Ryeowook are behind him, chattering loudly in broken Korean, trying to figure out how the stove works. Donghae has learned the hard way that Henry seems to think shouting the same sentence over and over will make the rest of them understand what he's trying to say. Hint: It doesn't.

"Hi," he hears Hyukjae reply. He doesn't sound particularly overjoyed to hear Donghae's voice.

Well, Donghae thinks miserably, I do kind of deserve this behavior. He sighs inwardly, and then plunges forward with the speech he's rehearsed for, oh, nearly three hours. Donghae has found there's a direct correlation between nerve levels and being over-prepared.

"I'm sorry I didn't call until now!" he says, and it comes out as more of a squeal than the composed recitation he'd hoped for. He fights to control his voice, and continues. "It's just been so busy here, you know, and the airport was really crowded and we were all so tired and we had to move into a hotel and then we had to practice and do interviews and stuff almost right away and we barely had time to eat and sleep. I mean I got to use the phone for the first time two days ago but you know I'd call my mom first! And today was the second time I got to use it so I thought hey wait, Hyukjae told me to call, so I should call, so here I am! Sorry!"

After repeating the same words over and over for so long, Donghae can't tell if they sound natural or not anymore. He hopes they do. He'd just die if Hyukjae suspects anything, like the fact that the entire last section is a total lie. There's no way he'd ever let Hyukjae know he called Heechul first--even if Donghae only called him to talk about Hyukjae.

"It's okay," Hyukjae says, his voice now tinged with a warmth that had been missing from his hello. Donghae relaxes into his chair, not realizing until that moment how tense and nervous he'd been. "How have you guys been? Did you guys have time to go sightseeing at all?"

"Um," Donghae says, stuttering, because he hadn't been able to predict this portion of the conversation, and he is still really kind of sort of nervous even though he's talked to Hyukjae millions of times and this shouldn't be any different but-- Well. It is. It is because they are separated by miles and miles and Donghae has taken to hugging Hyukjae's shirt while he's sleeping and dreaming of him. Donghae wishes he knew how he became this cheesy and creepy all at once.

"Things've been okay," Donghae continues. "Manager said we could maybe go sightseeing next week, and uh"--Donghae hears the crash of a pan, but just plugs one of his ears and tries to continue--"Zhou Mi says he'll take us around--"

Okay, that sound was definitely more than a pan. Donghae looks behind him, only to find Ryeowook with a towel, fanning at the flames that are sprouting from what appear to be eggs.

Henry is screaming "HELP, someone help, help SOMEONE HELP" as Ryeowook shouts, "IT'LL BE OKAY, EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE," and Donghae stares at them, wondering if he and Hyukjae were ever that bad in the Super Junior dorms.

They probably were, and he's not sure whether to laugh or feel miserable.

A voice from the phone calls him back to reality. "--ae? What's going on?"

"Uh, nothing really, um," he says, pausing, because the flames seem to be getting higher. Still, he doesn't want Hyukjae to worry, so he continues with, "Everything's fi-- Ryeowook? Wha-- oh."

Ryeowook has just started screaming, "IT'S NOT FINE, IT'S NOT FINE GET THE MANAGER IT'S--"

He turns back to his phone conversation. "Uh, Hyukjae, Henry just set eggs on fire, and I mean, seriously, you'd think someone who was so good at violin would be better with his hands and--"

Henry's shirtsleeve catches on fire, and Ryeowook shrieks.

"Uh, yeah, I think I gotta go, BYE!" He clicks the phone off and throws it, hoping it lands somewhere other than the floor.

"HAVEN'T EITHER OF YOU THOUGHT TO TURN ON THE TAP WATER," he screams as he grabs Henry's arm and shoves it into the sink.

And to think, Eeteuk had been worried about _Donghae_ being incapable of taking care of himself. He snorts.

 

Someone--Donghae's not sure who--decides that everyone should go out drinking to celebrate how well things have been going in China.

Donghae ends up drinking himself into an oblivion, and doesn't remember any of it in the morning. He's always felt that's the way things _should_ go, because if you can remember everything that happened then you obviously weren't having enough fun.

However, when Henry says, "So. _Eunhyuk_ ," and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, Donghae really wishes he could remember just what exactly was said last night.

 

Later that day, when Kyuhyun walks by, rubs his face into a T-shirt and moans, "Hyuk _jaaaeee_ ", Donghae changes his mind. Maybe he'd rather _not_ know.

 

Zhou Mi starts slipping him pieces of paper with Chinese written on them, and tells him he ought to practice translating them. He smiles and suggests that maybe when Donghae figures out what they say, he ought to try using the lines on Eunhyuk.

"Wo feng kuang de ai zhe ni" hadn't been too bad of a suggestion because, after all, "I'm crazy about you" isn't that embarrassing to say. But when the sixth note he receives says "Wo ai ni bi shan gao bi hai shen"--I love you higher than the mountain, deeper than the sea--he throws his toothbrush at Zhou Mi's head and shouts, "WHY DON'T YOU GO USE THAT CHEESE ON KYUHYUN ALREADY."

To his dismay, he hears Kyuhyun smugly reply, "He already did."

Donghae yells that they're disgusting and would they please just let him brush his teeth in peace, thank you very much.

 

The words from the notes end up swirling through his head at night, keeping him from sleep.

 _Ni ai wo ma?_ _Wo ru ci de ai ni._ _Yi jian zhong qing_. _Wo de xin zhi wei ni er tiao dong._  
Do you love me? I love you so much. It was love at first sight. My heart beats only for you.

The words repeat over and over and over in his head until he thinks that if he doesn't hear from Hyukjae soon, he'll burst. Donghae's pretty sure Hyukjae would want to keep his bestest friend from exploding into a million pieces in a foreign country where they can't even say his name properly, so he picks up the phone and calls Hyukjae without even bothering to check what time it would be in Korea.

"Hyung," he says plaintively.

"Jesus, Donghae," Hyukjae replies groggily, obviously annoyed. "It's 3AM. Sleep is a good thing."

Donghae winces, feeling a little awful for interrupting Hyukjae's rest. But only a little. This was an emergency, after all. "'M sorry, hyung."

"Donghae?" Hyukjae asks, suddenly sounding more alert. "What's the matter?"

Just great, Donghae thinks, now he's gone and got Hyukjae worried when that wasn't part of the plan at all. "I'm sorry," he repeats, because he really truly is. Donghae doesn't like being a burden, but. "It's just. I can't sleep." His voice sounds pathetic and whiny, but it's like there's this horrible momentum and Donghae can't stop. "I can't get comfortable in the hotel bed, I miss being in _my own bed_ , I even miss Donghee's stupid snoring, I miss being in Korea, I miss Korean food, I miss talking in Korean. I'm tired of not being able to understand anything."

He stops, takes a deep breath.

"I didn't think it would be this hard," he admits for the first time.

"Donghae..." Hyukjae begins, and Donghae can tell he's trying to be comforting, but Donghae isn't sure he wants Hyukjae's comfort right now. All he needs is knowing that Hyukjae is on the line with him, that Hyukjae is listening. He keeps talking so Hyukjae doesn't have to.

"I miss everyone, Hyukjae. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss Heechul-hyung and Kibum-ah and Jungsu-hyung and Youngoon-hyung and Jongoon-hyung and Donghee-hyung and Sungmin-hyung and--"

Donghae chokes back what threatens to be the beginning of a huge sobfest. He's finally come to the crux of the matter, and it's frightening to finally say it out loud to the one person who really matters. "I miss _you_ , Hyukjae," he says, pausing, staring at his hands as they sit lifelessly in his lap. "I really, _really_ miss you."

"I miss you too," Hyukjae says softly, sounding just as lost as Donghae feels.

Donghae decides to salvage what's left of their dignity. He sniffles, rubs at his nose, and then announces in a clear voice, "Guess what Zhou Mi gege taught me to say today. Dui bu qi, wo fang pi le." Donghae grins, rubbing at his eyes as if he were trying to clear out any evidence that he had even thought about crying. "Can you guess what it means?"

"I have absolutely no idea," Hyukjae replies, sounding amused and surprised at the sudden change in mood but-- still a little bit relieved that Donghae hasn't started sobbing over the phone. Donghae is pretty sure neither of them would be able to handle that, because it would make the whole situation of them being apart entirely too real.

"Excuse me, I farted."

The two burst into giggles, feeling ridiculously like a pair of twelve-year-old boys.

But really, it _is_ funny, no matter what Donghae knows Kibum would have to say to the contrary.

 

Donghae has started to wear Hyukjae's shirt to sleep sometimes, and sometimes he continues to wear it long after he wakes up. He's pretty sure the shirt lost Hyukjae's scent three wears ago, but it doesn't matter. It's still _Hyukjae's shirt_.

That day, Siwon excitedly tells everyone he can find that he asked some old lady if they could borrow the webcam on her computer and she agreed, so now Kibum is on the other line.

 Donghae knows Kibum will tease him later for wearing Hyukjae's shirt, but he figures it won't be too horrifically embarrassing, and besides, Kibum never really means it.

Donghae walks into the room as he hears Kibum's voice, so he leans over Siwon's shoulder and peers at the screen. He squints, and realizes with horror that Hyukjae is there too.

"Kibum-ah! Hyukjae! Hi!" he says, waving frantically. Hyukjae moves closer to the computer. "Hyukjae! Hi!" Donghae repeats, and continues waving. It's as if his horror at being found out has caused him to be frozen in that one action for all of eternity.

Hyukjae smiles and waves back weakly. He squints, and Donghae knows he's noticed the shirt.

"Look!" Donghae nearly shouts. He figures a preemptive strike will work best in this situation. "I'm wearing your shirt!" Kibum raises his eyebrows, a mocking smirk on his face as Donghae points to his chest and wrinkles his nose. He ignores Kibum and continues. "It smells like you. You know. _Bad_."

"Hey--" Hyukjae says as Siwon interrupts, saying they have to leave.

Donghae almost-- _almost_ \--feels guilty at how happy he is to have this mortification over with, since it's rare when they get a moment to video chat. He knows he should want to stay on the line as long as possible but--it's really just too embarrassing.

"Bye Hyukjae! Bye Kibummie! Don't miss us too much!" he shouts. "We'll all be back sooooon," he singsongs, waving his arms even more frantically than he had at the start of the call.

Siwon ends the webcam feed and thanks the woman for letting them use her computer, giving her a peck on the cheek. The old lady swoons.

Donghae stares at the blank screen, and feels a sense of bereavement creeping in again.

Okay, yeah. Maybe he does feel a little guilty.

 

They're going back.

They're going back to Korea.

They're going back to Super Junior.

Donghae couldn't be happier.

He loves Super Junior-M--he really does. But Super Junior-M has become lonelier as the time passes and everyone pairs off. Oh, it isn't really intentional or anything. They'd never purposely leave Donghae alone, but. Well. Siwon and Hankyung are close, of course, because Siwon knows more Chinese than any of the rest of them, excluding Zhou Mi, and Zhou Mi is too focused on schmoozing up to Kyuhyun to care about them anyway. Surprisingly enough, the schmoozing has actually _worked_ , and the two of them are still as disgustingly _together_ as ever. Ryeowook seems to be playing some sort of torturous game where he tries to test how open Henry is to his affections, and then retreating in fear when Henry responds.

So it's not like Donghae is being excluded, per se, but it's hard to watch them and remember that _his_ other half is like, a million trillion miles away.

 

Donghae hears squeals and shrieks of happiness as Super Junior-M opens the door, but his mind is so focused on one thing--finding Hyukjae--that he barely notices.

"HYUKJAE," Donghae screams as soon as he spots him. He drops his suitcase, shrugs off his backpack--which takes entirely too long to get out of because he wants to hug Hyukjae _right this second_ \--and, as soon as Donghae is free, crushes Hyukjae in the biggest running jump hug he can manage. He hopes Hyukjae doesn't drop him. Not that Hyukjae's ever dropped him before, but it _has_ been a while since Donghae last attacked him.

Hyukjae's arms automatically encircle Donghae's waist, and Donghae smiles into Hyukjae's neck. Then he grins, looks at Hyukjae, grabs his face and kisses his cheek before Hyukjae can protest. "I want sundubujigae!" he cries, barely noticing as Hyukjae winces from the force of his announcement.

 

Heechul's voice is ringing in Donghae's ears. _Awww, someone's glad that his boyfriend's back_ , he'd said to Hyukjae as Donghae had continued to cling to him.

Hyukjae hadn't replied--which meant he hadn't denied it--and as Donghae lies in bed that night, replaying the scene over again and again in his head, he feels hope swirling in his chest.

He finds himself walking into Hyukjae's room before he even notices what he's doing.

In his head he repeats the words over and over--I love you, I love you, I love you. But he finds himself slipping up because every so often it comes out as, I love you, I love you, wo ai ni, I love you--which Donghae _hates_ because it means that even when he's here, his thoughts still aren't free of China, and all thoughts of China do lately is remind him of the fact that he is going to lose Hyukjae yet again when Super Junior-M returns.

Donghae snuggles up beside Hyukjae inside the covers, whispering the words "I love you"-- _I love you I love you wo ai ni I love you_ \--into Hyukjae's ear. He keeps repeating it softly until he falls asleep.

Maybe if he says it enough, Hyukjae's subconscious will realize just how much Donghae means it.


End file.
